As I Write Ego Is Desperately Trying To Get Me To Stop.

So here I am 15 days into July, the month of writing.

It all started off well and good. There was a lot excitement at having a full month to dedicate solely to writing the book. This book that has been percolating and formulating over the last 6 months or so. I mean the desire to write a book has been with me since I was in my early 20’s but finally choosing a subject and committing to it is still relatively recent.

So as the ideas started to form and as the chapter titles started to come to me I was so inspired to get going. Can you relate to that? The inspired stage of an idea. You share it with anyone who will listen and you just want to get going. Anything that seems to be between you and getting going causes great frustration. So I made sure I removed everything. No client sessions for the month of July and no social media for the first 2 weeks. It was time to get going!!

And get going I did but boy that inspiration and excitement can fade so damn quickly.

Why is that?

Is it a lack of commitment?

I definitely think part of the reason why we all procrastinate so much is an inherent laziness when it comes to doing the work. We are all far to outcome focused and get bored and tired too quickly with the work in-between. Our approach to life as a whole causes great frustration with the ‘in-between’ bits. We kind of just want to go form glory to glory. We want to live the highlights real and skip all the years where it looks like nothing much is happening.

But this is different. This isn’t one of those times. This, where I currently am, is one of those times that is a big stretch and so it’s not laziness that causes the inspiration to fade, its fear.

I was talking with a client recently about a service she is about to start offering. She was very excited to get started and to share it with her clients. I advised her that at some point the excitement would go and fear would kick in. It is at that point in any endeavour that we think ‘what on earth am I doing this for? It’s a terrible idea!’ I reminded her that it’s not a terrible idea, if it were she wouldn’t have had the excitement she felt when she first had the idea. That excitement, that feeling of wanting to tell everyone that is real. That is the feeling to trust. The doubts and fears that follow they aren’t real. They are just ego wanting you to stay safe.

Can you relate to this? Have you gone from a great high about an idea or endeavour to a great low and asking ‘what the hell was I thinking?’

At the moment ego is wanting to overwhelm the hell the out of me. It keeps wanting to take me ahead of myself. When I started chapter 1 I felt a great sense of achievement and felt proud of myself for finally getting started on something that means so much to me. I just created the space, lit the candle, called in help and started writing. Each day I wrote for a few hours and I felt great pride as it started to build. Not all of it flowed easily and some parts were very emotional and needed processing but here I was. Writing a book!! The joy of writing it was enough for me to keep feeling inspired and motivated.

So here is when ego started throwing some fear into the mix.

I was not even finished with chapter 1 when ego and I had this conversation…

Ego- ‘what if no one reads it?’

Me- “I haven’t even written it yet. Let’s just stay in the now.’

Ego- ‘What if Hay House doesn’t publish it and you can’t afford to self-publish it?’

Me- ‘How about I just write it before I worry about actually publishing it. Why would I worry about publishing a book I haven’t written?’

Ego- ‘When you publish it how will anyone know about it other than your clients? How are you going to get people to buy it?’

Me- ‘Can I just write it first?’

Anytime I struggled with the flow of chapter 1…..

Ego- ‘This chapter is the hardest because it’s your story. It’s always hard to write about ourselves. ‘

When I started chapter 2…..

Ego- ‘ This chapter will be harder than chapter 1 because now you aren’t writing about yourself, now you need to actually know what you are talking about.’

Sweet Jesus, can you see how fear can completely mess with your head and really keep you from ever doing anything?

If you are currently in your own merry go round with your ego as it tries to take you out of the present and into a complete overwhelm don’t let it. Keep it one step at a time.

I don’t need to know the outcome of this book. There are far too many variables at play that I am not in control of. What I am in control of is my intention with the writing of it and the energy with which I write it.

Are you currently in the ‘what the hell was I thinking’ stage of an idea or an experience?

Is ego trying to pull you out of your excitement and the present moment and overwhelm you into stopping or procrastinating?

Please know that this is normal. It’s not a sign that you shouldn’t be doing what you are doing. It’s not intuition that you are off track.

Stay connected to that excitement you initially felt. Stay connected to why you wanted this.

I’m writing this book to help anyone who is struggling with the same things I did.

Will anyone read it? I don’t know. But I can guarantee that no one will ever read it if it’s never written.

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