So I’m on day 19 of meditating twice a day for 15 min and I’m sitting there listening to a guided meditation and in my mind I’m thinking about an incident that just occurred and I’m screaming FUCK YOU! And I realise that you can’t meditate your way out of anger.
As I continued the meditation instead of getting more peaceful I was getting more agitated. I decided to stay with it anyway and to feel my anger. I suppose when we close our eyes and we start meditating we are without distraction and only left with what we have brought to the meditation and with facing ourselves.
Not having any distraction I decided to spend the time not freaking out about the fact that I wasn’t feeling all zened out or even figuring out why I was so angry but just to allow myself to receive insight about anger in general. Here’s what I became aware of…
We don’t allow ourselves to be angry. From a young age this is one of the emotions that you very quickly get taught is a complete no-no. Babies, toddlers and kids feel their anger and express it to release it. This is unacceptable to adults who have been programmed by their own parents and society in general not to feel their own anger. People who are busily hiding, denying or frightened by their anger get very uncomfortable being around anger.
Sure it’s productive at some stage of development to move to a more mature way of expressing anger than throwing whatever is in your hand across the room but we never get taught the more mature way or the age appropriate way. We are just told ‘don’t do that’ but we are never told ‘do this instead’. And so anger gets internalised. Pushed down. So much depression comes from depressed anger. So much disease, particularly cancer comes from suppressed anger.
Women in particular have cornered the market on anger suppression and this is why you see so much passive aggressiveness from women. On the surface they use a little bit of sarcasm, a remark that could be taken in a number of ways or a pursed lip smile but just under the surface they are pissed off. There is nothing healthy about this. There is nothing mature about spending your life pretending you are ok when you aren’t or saying things you don’t really mean.
We need to get more comfortable with our anger. We need to show more respect to it. It’s not the Anti- Christ of emotions. It serves as much purpose as joy. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be here. Just because joy is an emotion to reach for and anger is an emotion to process doesn’t mean one is better than the other. The thing is they are both required for your evolution.
Anger is just an energy pattern that floats around like all other energy patterns. If it floats around you and you find yourself feeling angry that’s because the general free floating anger has pushed a button in you. The same with if someone else is angry and you get angry being around them then their anger has caused yours to be activated. They are not to blame in fact they have done you a favour. They have helped you uncover something unresolved that you now have an opportunity to resolve.
At the moment there is so much anger in the world causing so much harm. Let’s all stop pretending that we don’t all get fucked off at times and let’s stop demonising this emotion and judging ourselves if the feel it. And let’s focus on healthy and respectful ways of expressing it. Let’s allow each other to be angry and not be so triggered in our response. The harm that is currently caused by anger is that people feel so dis empowered. Let your anger fuel you into connecting with your power.
Instead of silently screaming ‘fuck you’ I can be saying out loud ‘fuck that’ and looking for my options. The anger needs to be felt. While it’s in my body it will cloud my thought process. Anger is a heavy emotion, it's a stagnant energy and so it needs to go. But not before I spend some time with it, ask it why it’s here and get the insights that I need for myself about why this situation made me angry.
I need to figure out my reaction. It’s not my concern why the person acted in the way they did, focusing on that is egos way of keeping me from my power. My life, our life is only ever about us and we only ever need to understand ourselves. That’s where our power lies, that’s where our freedom lies.
So I will sit with the anger, ask it some questions, listen to the answers, breath, swear a bit (which always makes me feel better) and look for where my options are. If that fails I’ll throw something across the room.